Have I ever done a naked streak? Oh yes.............

I got arrested at a famous cricket ground for doin' a streak across the pitch while play was goin' on. Me mates bet me $50 each if I'd do it too. We'd had a bit of beer and it was stinkin' hot in the sun. I was nearly naked any how so takin' of me last few bits of clothin' didn't bother me too much.

When it was the right moment and I got me nerve up by scoffin' a few more beers I did it! Before I could chicken out and make me a fool in front of me mates, I was over the fence and nearly got m'self caught on the post in the bargain.......owww!

A roar went up from the crowd! I thought someone must have just gotten bowled. I headed straight for where the game was.........already sweatin' under the hot sun.

Geeeez! I tell ya mate! Have you ever run across one of those grounds! I was only half way to the darn pitch when I had the idea to look behind me. Bloody Hell!!!! Half the coppers in the place were chasin' me and the crowd were cheerin' them on!

I'd never run so fast in me life. I panted past the edge of the cricketers who were watchin' by this time. Some of them were laughin' and one of them even tried to swat me behind with the bat. I tell you...I jumped 6' feet from that one....and felt like a drongo!

I'll never forget it as long as I live. I'm runnin' butt naked across a cricket field in front of thousands of people........there's coppers chasin' me......... when I got to the other side I didn't know what I was gonna do any how. I had no flippin' clothes!

At about the 3/4 mark me game was up..... I was run out by a duck!....well, actually it was a flock of sea-gulls. I was so busy lookin' behind me and sweatin' on how long before the coppers got me that I didn't notice I'd run right into the middle of them just sittin' all over the place like they do.

Imagine it! I'm jumpin' around sayin', 'Bugger! Ouch! Damn.... Strewth!' and the birds are goin' crazy. They're flappin' around and squawkin' and screechin' and poopin' on me and flappin' around me nether regions! One flies straight at me face and hits me fair and square in the nose!

I'm hangin' on to me nose with one hand, tryin' to protect me treasures  with me other hand, then I'm startin' to think...bey, bis's bloody awbul. I'll bill Johno bhen I bet be bands on bim!... Bim add bis bloody bets! (the beer was wearin' off too!!!)

I was still dancin'  with the birds when the coppers finally got me! I've never been so embarrassed in all me life........let me tell ya!  The crowd were laughin'. I looked down and saw me body was covered with feathers and grass and poop I'd rolled in! No wonder the cops were keepin' their distance as they escorted me off the field.

I swore to m'self I was never comin' back to that place again. I was thinkin' I was lucky me darlin' hadn't decided to come too. (although then I doubted I'd be in the chook house now!) At least I'd spared m'self that one....

We were gettin' closer to the gate and I was feelin' like a really silly twit! I was hot, sun-burned, tired, smelly, still a bit blotto, a bit scared AND  naked. The hardest part was the people laughing. I heard someone call m'name and looked up. There was Johno wavin' a fist full of $50 notes at me. Good old Johno... me friends hadn't let me down. I grinned........

That's when I saw up above and 20 feet in front of me the TV cameras.....strewth!!!!!!!!

                                                                                                              ...................Bluey.